Do People Who Reach Self-Realization or Individuation Still Need Affection, a Partner, or Purpose in Life?

Estimated reading time: 11 minutes

Self-realization (or individuation in Jungian psychology) does not make one impervious to human needs. Even those with a high degree of self-realization still seek affection. They may benefit from having a partner. They almost always need a purpose in life. In exploring self-realization definitions, individuation process, human connection, life purpose, and partner necessity, my post looks at scientific research, Jungian theory, and lived experience (including from my earlier article Why Is Self-Development the Most Important Thing in Life?). All this to the purpose of examining advantages and disadvantages, examples, categories, and the uncomfortable truths around what self-realization does and does not solve.

1. Definitions: What Is Self-Realization/Individuation?

To discuss whether self-realized people still need affection, partners, purpose, etc., we must define the key terms clearly.

Self-Realization (in general humanistic psychology) often means the process of uncovering one’s fullest potential, realizing one’s abilities, becoming more authentic, living in alignment with inner truth. For example, according to Positive Psychology, self-actualization/self-realization involves personal growth, self-awareness, authenticity, creativity, purpose.  

Individuation (in Jungian psychology) is the process by which the individual becomes distinct, integrating unconscious contents (shadow, anima/animus, collective unconscious) with the ego, moving toward psychological wholeness. It is “coming to selfhood”, integrating parts of psyche into consciousness. Full individuation is rarely (if ever) completely achieved; more, it is an ongoing process.  

These are not identical: self-realization is broader (also used outside Jung), while individuation is specific to Jungian theory, though overlapping. Let’s delve into self-realization definitions, individuation process, human connection, life purpose and partner necessity.

2. Do Self-Realized People Still Need Affection?

Human connection need is one of the central debates. The truth: yes, even those who are highly self-realized still need affection – though how, from whom, and in what form tends to shift.

Jungian theory doesn’t imagine a perfectly solitary self: individuation involves integrating with others, reconciling with the persona and shadow, which are shaped by relationships. Even after much of the individuation process, the Self is relational.  

Emotional neuroscience and psychological studies show that humans are “social mammals”: affection (touch, validation, intimacy) contributes to mental health, reduces stress, increases life satisfaction, regardless of whether one is self-realized. Self-realization does not remove the need for affective bonds.

The need for affection may become more selective: less need for superficial praise, more for depth, authenticity, reciprocity. But the need remains.

So human connection need remains real and important even for those advanced in self-realization/individuation.

3. Partner Necessity: Is a Partner Needed After Individuation?

“Do they still need a partner?” is more complex. Whether a self-realized person needs a partner depends on many variables: personal temperament, cultural background, values, psychological health, purpose.

Some self-realized people are perfectly content alone. They may find a partner unnecessary for their sense of wholeness. The individuation process always includes learning to be comfortable with one’s own inner life.

But having a partner can still be beneficial: companionship, emotional support, shared life projects. The partner can act as mirror, as challenge, helping to bring unconscious parts to light. Jungian psychology sees relationships as essential for growth.

There are studies linking strong relationships with longer lifespan, resilience and well-being, even for spiritually advanced or emotionally mature people. So partner necessity is not universal, but common.

Thus, partner necessity is often present, though how essential it is varies: some self-realized people may choose celibacy, solitude, or non‐traditional relational forms.

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4. Does Life Purpose Persist for the Individuated?

“Life purpose” is almost never outgrown by self-realized or individuated persons. If anything, purpose becomes clearer, more internal, more aligned with inner values rather than external expectations.

Jung believed that individuation itself is tied to finding one’s destiny or purpose: integrating all aspects of the Self tends to reveal what’s meaningful for that person.  

Studies of self-actualization (closely related) show that people who report high self-realization also report stronger sense of meaning and purpose.  

When someone reaches a plateau of individuation/self-realization, life purpose often shifts: less about external achievement and recognition and more about service, creativity, mentoring, art, inner growth, perhaps spiritual work.

So life purpose remains vital; without it, self-realization may drift into meaninglessness or stagnation.

5. Categories of Self-Realization/Individuation: Types & Impacts

We can classify different categories/types (not strict, but useful) of self-realization or individuation paths. Each has benefits and potential hindrances.

Each path corresponds more or less with individuation process or self-realization definitions in different forms.

6. Examples: Self-Realization in Artists, Scientists, etc.

Here are ten examples of people who show self-realization/individuation (variously), with how that helped them thrive, especially in art or science.

1. Carl Jung himself – integrating shadow, anima/animus, symbolic work; his individuation process led to creative theory, dreams, archetypes.
2. Marie-Louise von Franz – Jung’s collaborator; deep dealings with unconscious symbols; her individuation gave rise to insightful work on archetypes.
3. Albert Einstein – some biographers say his inner solitude, questioning of norms, willingness to entertain paradoxes reflect self-realization which contributed to scientific creativity.
4. Frida Kahlo – deep pain, integrating suffering, love and loss in art; self-realization through confronting inner darkness in her work.
5. Virginia Woolf – her introspection, stream of consciousness, facing mental illness, exploring Self in writing.
6. Richard Feynman – curious, authentic, playful, questioning status; he seems to follow his internal compass rather than external expectation.
7. Georgia O’Keeffe – lived in isolation at times, found purpose in painting nature, strong internal sense of what she was expressing.
8. Carl Rogers – therapist, theorist; his path of growth and authenticity, focused on congruence, unconditional positive regard; self-realization definitions in his work.
9. Stephen Hawking – despite physical limitations; purpose driven by scientific questions; inner resilience; perhaps less about relationships, more about purpose + curiosity.
10. Maya Angelou – her writing, activism, confronting trauma, using creative voice to integrate self; strong sense of life purpose, meaningful relationships, affection in community.

In all these, being self-realized or individuated helped them produce work, make discoveries, create art that contributes to culture or science. Their internal clarity, acceptance of suffering, integrity, authenticity often are sources of greatness.

7. Advantages vs Disadvantages of Self-Realization/Individuation

Here’s a balanced list of pros and cons based on research, theory, and observation.

Advantages

1. Greater inner peace: less anxiety rooted in social comparison, more compassion for self.
2. Authenticity: living in alignment with one’s values; less cognitive dissonance.
3. Emotional resilience: capacity to withstand suffering, trauma, loss because much of the shadow has been integrated.
4. Clarity of purpose: knowing what matters, direction in life.
5. Creativity & insight: integrating unconscious can produce novel ideas, artistic or scientific breakthroughs.
6. Meaningful relationships: more genuine connections, less dependency or codependency.
7. Reduced fear of death, ego death: more comfort with limits, aging, change.
8. Freedom from some social expectations: less need for external validation, more choice.
9. Capacity to serve others: often self-realization leads to helping, teaching, creativity beyond self.
10. Better mental health, fewer neurotic symptoms: many studies link individuation / self‐actualization with lower depression, higher well‐being.

Disadvantages / Challenges

1. Isolation risk: as one becomes more selective in relationships, risk of loneliness.
2. Misunderstanding by others: people may label such individuals as aloof, selfish, weird.
3. Emotional pain: confronting shadow, trauma can be deeply painful.
4. Unstable identity periods: during major individuation phases, people may feel lost.
5. Sacrifice of external success: sometimes less driven by ambition or recognition; may have modest material wealth.
6. Burden of purpose: having purpose can feel heavy; pressure to live “fully” can become self-criticism.
7. Potential neglect of basic or social needs if too inward-looking.
8. Risk of spiritual bypassing: using spiritual vocabulary to avoid dealing with mundane or relational issues.
9. Disillusionment: real purpose, meaning can be challenged by real world limitations.
10. Continual work needed: individuation/self-realization is not a finish line; it requires lifelong maintenance; old wounds can resurface.

8. My Take on Self-Realization

Here’s how I see this, drawing on my experience and earlier work. In my article Why Is Self-Development the Most Important Thing in Life? I wrote about how devoted I have been to internal growth, self-development, mindfulness, etc. I felt for a long time that if I could just “be self-realized”, all other needs would fade. But over time I noticed: even when I felt deeply centered, I still craved affection, be it maternal, friendly, romantic. Even when I felt purpose, some mornings felt empty without someone to share a coffee, a joke, a glance.

For example, after a retreat or long period of inner work, I return to ordinary life and still want connection. I may need less external validation, but the warmth, empathy, human touch, authentic presence matter. When I think of partner necessity, I don’t think everyone must have “a partner” in the traditional sense, but companionship, mutual support, shared vulnerability is often a gift. And life purpose? It shifted. When I was younger, purpose felt like big achievements; now it’s smaller: writing, helping, showing up, cooking, sharing recipes on Cooking Romania by Vivi, connecting with readers over the difficult bits.

Here is a video I enjoyed doing so much:

So my view is: self-realization doesn’t eliminate needs, it refines them. I have been single over the past 10 years. What is it that miss about being in a relationship? The long talks. Do I need a partner? In my opinion, no. I can talk to myself or the cats and never get bored :)).

9. Scientific Studies & Uncomfortable Truths

Some uncomfortable truths, backed by research, about self-realization/individuation:

Even among people high in self-actualization, loneliness is still reported. Internal clarity does not always protect from social isolation. I don’t feel lonely, personally. I feel productive, serene and relentless in my pursuits.

The “self-absorption paradox”: increased self-awareness is sometimes associated with increased psychological distress, especially if one ruminates or becomes overly introspective. Been there, done that. At some point, I just gave in. I stopped thinking so much and I redirected my thoughts towards helping the world in some way. 

Studies (e.g. in self-realization / meaning-making literature) show that lack of purpose correlates with depression, even among people who are successful, spiritually engaged, etc. Lately, my sole purpose is to feel at peace. I align my thoughts, words and actions and work hard to bring a bit of clarity into the minds of others.

Also, in Jungian theory the unconscious never fully becomes conscious. So individuation is never “perfect”; there are always unseen forces, dreams, archetypes at work. Full self-realization in the sense of “done” is a myth. Those who believe they’ve fully arrived may be vulnerable to hubris or stagnation. So true. But, at least, we can try to live the best version of life we know.

10. Conclusion: Living Best Life through Self-Realization

So, do people who have reached self-realization or individuation still need affection? Yes. A partner? Often yes, though not universally. Do they need a purpose in life? Absolutely. These needs are not weaknesses; they are part of being human.

Self-realization and individuation help us live the best life by giving clarity, authenticity, inner peace, improved relationships, presence of mind. But they also demand hard work, vulnerability, sometimes discomfort, and ongoing growth.

If you are on this path, my suggestion is: don’t renounce love or connection in the name of inner work and don’t abandon purpose in the name of detachment. Let your self-realization refine your needs, not eliminate them. Let purpose be your guide, affection your nourishment, relationships your mirrors. And understand that all that we know is a mirror of a huge unknown that really enjoys playing games and adorning themselves with the jewels of human emotions, dreams, passions, thoughts, etc.

Vivi Ball is a Romanian-born actress, language trainer, life coach, published author, blogger, Goth and industrial music promoter and photographer with a passion for cooking and self-realization.

Vivi has been writing about the process of self-realization through mindfulness and compassion since the age of six. She helps people know themselves and live their best life. Vivi has been teaching English and Romanian to 10,000 + students since 1990, and she has been blogging about the role of cooking at the intersection of food and self-mastery using simple recipes and copyright food photos.

Vivi and her daughter, Adara created Cooking Romania by Vivi, a blog of easy recipes for busy people, with a Romanian twist. This blog is a tribute to her paternal grandmother, Victoria Paladi.

In addition to her culinary endeavors, Vivi explores themes of mindfulness, self-love, and personal growth through her self-realization project, The Vivi. This platform offers insights into her spiritual journey and aims to inspire others to pursue inner peace and a fulfilling life.

Vivi’s diverse interests and experiences reflect her commitment to quality entertainment, teaching, self development, storytelling, cooking and photography, all while honoring her cultural heritage and family traditions.

• My Life Is a Tragedy Turned into Triumph
• About The Vivi
• Why Is Self Development the Most Important Thing in Life?
• 11 Ways to Inner Peace and Happiness for the Best Life
• How to Use Your Near Vision as a Tool to Connect with People

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Article Name

Do People Who Reach Self-Realization or Individuation Still Need Affection, a Partner, or Purpose in Life?

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Even those who reach self-realization / individuation still need affection, and many benefit from a partner and life purpose. Using Jungian theory, science, and personal experience, this post explores what self-realization defines, what it demands, and what it doesn’t erase.

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vivi

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The Vivi