This is a brutally honest confession about my past disturbed life and the role of self-realization in maintaining happiness and living the best life after the age of 40. I managed to turn my personal tragedy into triumph after focused and consistent work on self-love, inner peace and natural fear, anxiety and depression relief. I am sharing my good and not so good experiences with you, hoping that if you have felt disappointed and empty inside and you want to change that my writing will help. By writing and practicing self-inquiry you can turn your life around in just a few months. At the end of this post, you will find tips on how to meditate all day for inner peace, slow down and enjoy life.
What is Life?
Just like you, I interpret everything I perceive with my senses, all that I can grasp, the great everything. Although I am limited, my thoughts are infinite. My entire human existence is a construct based mostly on my previous experiences and filtered through a “convenience” filter meant to explain the unexplained in ways that do not drive me crazy.
The realization that my disturbed life, my relationships, my endeavors, my success, my writing had invariably been just an interpretation, a tale, a narrative I had been telling myself with someone else’s voice was a major step in my self-development. But I digress.
At 6, I started writing. From poetry about snowfalls and historical heroes to alternate realities where I could have been anyone and anything, I wrote about it all.
Writing is therapeutic. Now I know I write because it is jumpy, elegant and exhilarating. It is also my favorite way to connect with people. There is no dissatisfaction in writing. Years after writing a piece, I can reread what I wrote and still have butterflies in my stomach. My journal entries and articles are chronicles of my “get togetherness”, my spiritual transformation. If you start writing 200 words a day, your mind will clear in less than a month. Put on paper what you feel, your shopping list, great quotes, what happened at work, anything, just write.
My writing has always flowed naturally. Do I need validation? I do. That is why I have decided to publish my work. Another reason why I write is the fact that I feel I have matured enough and I can help other human beings. I stand proof that a tragedy can turn into triumph. I am here to show you how to improve your life in a few months. My entire site is about self-transformation, development and living the best life with using the resources you have.
Life is the journey from the maternity to the cemetery
Once I got grayer, I understood that my knowledge was entangled in stories and myths. My role models, companions, teachers, family, all these people shaped my thinking. I had been living someone else’s disturbed life.
Life is the journey from the maternity to the cemetery (or crematorium). Although a large part of our existence (the first months, for sure) is a period of incertitude, as we are not aware of what things “mean”, we are entities equal to any other entity that had experienced birth before us. Self-awareness appears way later after we receive values either from parents, relatives or society (You are so adorable, that is not something good girls do, please behave or else.)
None of our thoughts is original
We adapt to the world. None of our thoughts is original. All we know had been expressed before and had been passed down to us. We are the product of everything that had existed before us.
I am an interesting case of an abused rebel kid who managed to turn their disturbed life and tragedy into triumph. Kids like me have great potential, as they understand what fear is and become fearless. All the beating, screaming, emotional manipulation and terror I had been through, taught me, from a very young age, that all those events happening to me were bearable, and, unfortunately, in consequence, I became violent.
Later on the trauma materialized in bipolar behavior, low self-esteem, broken relationships, compulsive drinking and smoking, compulsive listening to music and bingeing on movies.
My broken relationships
In my past disturbed life, the twisted psychological material I was offering in relationships was equally received from my partners. Just like a mirror of myself, I was attracting people with disturbed lives, who needed to work on their psychological issues, just like me. My exes had been either very effeminate (with bipolar behavior), unstable, immature, co-dependent, depressed or very sexual (I had repressed my sexuality, as a result of my unhealthy teenage emotional development.) The universe had revealed my personal issues through my disturbed relationships until I learned my lesson. My relationships before 2015 were a tragedy and not a triumph.
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The “it” or “all” I am trying to figure out
I write about “It”, the human experience as we know it. My writing is a journey among memories, someone else’s thoughts, emotions, regrets, craving to figure out what is mainly unattainable to humans, a race of others and myself, at all levels, in all areas, a medicine for a wounded heart, a healing technique for a leaky gut and a lost soul. I am trying to dissect something I cannot explain or understand yet, but I enjoy examining wholeheartedly.
The “it” or “all” had also been present in my disturbed life. Since a young age, I have tried to experience a lot of things. The rebels put themselves in challenging human situations, hence the countless beatings and attacks I have suffered. My restless body and mind requested beating for such a long time. Punishment was my survival technique. Without suffering, I wasn’t worthy.
Self-realization and tragedy turned into triumph
After my awakening in 2013, I have slowly changed my view of the world and myself. I have written extensively about all my tragedies turned into triumphs once I started my self-realization journey, and I invite you to join me in discovering the unlimited potential of human love, intuition and faith.
Self-realization can help you improve your life and turn any tragedy into triumph. It comes with practicing mindfulness, patience, understanding yourself and your old patterns, quitting unhealthy habits, slowing down, self-love, enhanced communication, less talking, being more reflective and less reactive, navigating graciously through life and its amazing experiences.
Although I refused listening to advice when I was younger, now I know how important it is to read about other people’s experiences, as they can be instant triggers for change for the better in my own life.
Before you go, if you would like to read more about inner peace, self-love, self-realization and focused work, click on the articles below. They may help you become the best version of yourself and live the best life:
Vivi has been writing about the process of self-realization through mindfulness and compassion since the age of six. She helps people know themselves and live their best life. Vivi has been teaching English and Romanian to 10,000 + students since 1990, and she has been blogging about the role of cooking at the intersection of food and self-mastery using simple recipes and copyright food photos.