The Encounter That Echoed
Recently, I shared a personal memory with a woman I met in a clothing store. Don’t ask me how we got to talking about trauma shame, our childhood memories, relationships, etc. I can’t recall. Fact is, I recounted how someone had done something inappropriate to me when I was five. Mind you, that memory resurfaced only a couple of years ago. Her response? She advised me to keep such experiences to myself, warning that people, especially the press, relish exploiting such stories, particularly when it involves public figures. Instead of empathy, I received criticism, not directed at my abuser, but at me.
This reaction wasn’t new. Throughout my life, I’ve been told to stay silent about my trauma – by family and society in general – as if the burden of shame belonged to me rather than to those who caused the harm. And all those long forgotten and buried triggers from my childhood (public shaming, social trauma, public self criticism) popped up.
The Weight of Trauma Shame
Trauma shame is a pervasive force that silences survivors. It’s the internalized belief that one’s experiences are too disgraceful to share, leading to isolation and prolonged suffering.
Research indicates that trauma shame significantly impacts a survivor’s willingness to disclose their experiences. A study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence found that higher levels of trauma shame were associated with negative expectations of disclosure, meaning survivors feared judgment or disbelief if they spoke out.
This fear isn’t unfounded. Societal reactions often reinforce trauma shame, making it harder for survivors to seek support and healing.
Buddhism is a way of life, not a religion.
Public Shaming, Trauma and Communism in Romania
Let’s take a look at my childhood in communist Romania. Public shaming, trauma, and communism in Romania formed a complex tapestry of social control, repression, and manipulation, deeply rooted in the nation’s history. The intertwining of political ideologies with the cultural and religious fabric of society created a climate in which personal and collective shame was not only widespread but ingrained in the very psyche of the population.
In a society where fear and control were paramount, communism in Romania sought to erase individuality and promote conformity. Under the leadership of Nicolae Ceaușescu, the regime employed both state mechanisms and ideological pressure to suppress dissent and regulate all aspects of life. Public shaming became a tool of both political and social control. Individuals suspected of harboring antigovernment views or engaging in behavior deemed “non-conformist” were often subjected to public ridicule, humiliation, or punishment. This culture of surveillance created an atmosphere in which people were terrified of standing out or expressing any form of non-compliance, for fear of being marked as enemies of the state.
Original Sin
The Church’s teachings emphasized the concept of original sin, teaching that all humans are born into sin and must continuously struggle against their inherent flaws. This deeply rooted belief instilled a sense of shame from a very young age, one that suggested human existence itself was inherently flawed.
The message of original sin and the need for constant repentance continued to permeate Romanian society, reinforcing the notion that individuals were always inadequate in the eyes of God. This created a system of control we can call spiritual guilt. Citizens not only feared punishment from the state but were also conditioned to believe that their very existence was a source of shame, as they were always inherently sinful.
Trauma, both individual and collective, was thus inescapably linked to this experience of shame. The psychological scars of public shaming, whether for political dissent or religious inadequacy, were passed down through generations. People who lived through this trauma often internalized the idea that their worth was determined by their compliance with the state and their ability to conform to religious norms. This contributed to a culture where self-esteem was low, and personal expression was stifled by the fear of both political and spiritual condemnation.
The experience of public shaming and social trauma during the communist era shaped a society where individuals were taught to view themselves through the lens of guilt and shame. The doctrine of original sin, coupled with the state’s oppressive mechanisms, created a culture of control where individuals were conditioned to feel ashamed of their very existence, contributing to the long-lasting psychological scars of Romanian society.
Voices That Break the Silence
Despite the stigma, several public figures have bravely shared their stories, challenging the culture of silence:
Jane Fonda: The acclaimed actress revealed that she was sexually abused as a child and raped as an adult. She emphasized that she initially believed it was her fault, a common sentiment among survivors grappling with trauma shame.
Gabriel Byrne: The Irish actor disclosed that he was sexually abused by priests during his childhood. He repeatedly highlighted the long-lasting impact of those experiences.
Drake Bell: The former child star opened up about the extensive sexual abuse he endured from a Nickelodeon dialogue coach, shedding light on the vulnerabilities of young actors in the industry.
Corey Feldman: Feldman has been outspoken about the sexual abuse he and fellow actor Corey Haim suffered as child stars. He has been advocating for systemic changes in Hollywood to protect young talents.
Rose McGowan: A prominent figure in the #MeToo movement, McGowan detailed her experiences of sexual assault in her memoir, “Brave,” aiming to empower other survivors to speak out.
These individuals demonstrate that confronting trauma shame publicly can inspire others to acknowledge and address their own experiences.
The Role of Social Stigma
Social stigma plays a significant role in perpetuating silence around abuse. Survivors often fear being labeled, judged, or ostracized, which can deter them from sharing their stories.
Studies have shown that social stigma can exacerbate the psychological distress experienced by survivors. A meta-analysis published in the Journal of Traumatic Stress found a strong association between social stigma and increased symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Addressing Social Stigma
Addressing social stigma requires societal shifts in understanding and empathy, ensuring that survivors are met with support rather than skepticism.
I cannot emphasize enough how I have personally felt all my life having to bury so many things so people don’t judge me. From a very early age I was trained to never speak about my needs, feelings and thoughts. I repressed my own existence until one day, when I was six, my dearest Granny Victoria offered me a mini-coffee cup with exactly one teaspoon of coffee. That is the moment I realized I existed and there was someone who had noticed that. Before that… there is a blur. Clouds, my own death at the age of 4 (an NDE that lasted a bit too long, I guess), some orange flowers, my dad… Not much.
The Importance of Public Disclosure
Public disclosure can be a powerful tool for healing and advocacy. When we, survivors, share our experiences openly, it aids our personal recovery. It also raises awareness and fosters community support.
However, public disclosure is a deeply personal decision and can come with risks, especially in environments where social stigma is prevalent. It’s crucial to create safe spaces where survivors feel empowered to share their stories without fear of retribution or judgment.
Encouraging public disclosure involves societal commitment to listening, believing, and supporting survivors. This approach helps in dismantling the barriers imposed by trauma shame and social stigma.
Reclaiming the Narrative
It’s time to shift the focus of shame from survivors to perpetrators. We must acknowledge and address the systemic issues that allow abuse to persist. This way, we can create a culture where we support survivors, and empower them.
Sharing our stories, challenging social stigma, and promoting public disclosure are steps toward healing and justice. Let us stand together in solidarity, ensuring that no survivor feels compelled to suffer in silence.
Vivi Ball is a Romanian-born actress, language trainer, life coach, published author, blogger, Goth and industrial music promoter and photographer with a passion for cooking and self-realization.
Vivi has been writing about the process of self-realization through mindfulness and compassion since the age of six. She helps people know themselves and live their best life. Vivi has been teaching English and Romanian to 10,000 + students since 1990, and she has been blogging about the role of cooking at the intersection of food and self-mastery using simple recipes and copyright food photos.
Vivi and her daughter, Adara created Cooking Romania by Vivi, a blog of easy recipes for busy people, with a Romanian twist. This blog is a tribute to her paternal grandmother, Victoria Paladi.
In addition to her culinary endeavors, Vivi explores themes of mindfulness, self-love, and personal growth through her self-realization project, The Vivi. This platform offers insights into her spiritual journey and aims to inspire others to pursue inner peace and a fulfilling life.
Vivi’s diverse interests and experiences reflect her commitment to quality entertainment, teaching, self development, storytelling, cooking and photography, all while honoring her cultural heritage and family traditions.
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