This is a personal reinvention story with no flavor of red caviar, no pop band obsession, and no sugarcoating.
Once Upon a Time in Extremistan
I was one of those children who either adored something to the point of obsession or despised it with the fury of a thousand suns. I’d blast Depeche Mode like I was married to the entire band, and don’t get me started on how passionately I hated milk. Everything was either a grand love affair or an epic rejection.
There were no grays in my palette. Just crimson passion and pitch-black disdain. And I thought that’s what it meant to be authentic: to know what you loved, defend it fiercely, and burn down what you didn’t.
Looking back, I was just dramatic. A drama queen in training. I’m an actress – what did you expect?
And Then One Day… Nothing
About ten years ago, something strange happened. I guess it was time for personal reinvention.
It was an ordinary day – no trauma, no epiphany, no mountain-top awakening. I was stirring a coffee (black, no sugar – my only consistent preference) when it hit me:
I don’t like any objects passionately.
I don’t really dislike them either.
I just… observe.
I wasn’t “a fan” anymore. Not of red caviar. Not of Manowar. Not even of Depeche Mode, those gods of my adolescent rebellion. I had somehow stopped identifying with preferences. Food? Love it all. Music? Depends on the moment. People? Depends on the silence between our conversations.
No more posters on walls. No more favorites list. No more team blue or team red. Just presence. And a mild sense of “huh… interesting.”
What the Science Says (and Doesn’t)
Before you think I’ve been numbed by adulthood, let’s look at this objectively.
Psychologist Dan Gilbert, in his studies on affective forecasting, discovered that humans are terrible at predicting what they’ll like or dislike in the future. In fact, our sense of preference is often tangled in memory bias, social programming, and short-term emotion.
Neuroscientist Antonio Damasio explored how feelings guide decision-making, but also showed how trauma, repetition, or chronic stress can blur the intensity of those feelings. Over time, emotional saturation can flatten your inner compass. Everything becomes “meh”. Not because you don’t care, but because the mechanisms for emotional prioritization have been stretched thin.
This doesn’t mean something’s broken. It might mean something’s just… different. You are undertaking your own personal reinvention. I’m not shut down. I just no longer label everything with hearts or barbed wire.
The Death of Preference, the Rise of Focus
Now that I live in this neutral, undivided space, here’s what’s surprising:
I’m more productive, less distracted, and weirdly at peace.
Because I don’t waste time debating if I “feel like it,” I just get to work. I finish things. I post regularly. I write like a maniac. I put myself in uncomfortable situations (casting calls, new languages, bad lighting, complicated roles, burnt food) because I’m not led by what I like. I’m led by what calls me to grow.
Check out this article where I talk about why silence isn’t golden, it’s a defense mechanism. Or the one on breaking cycles for my daughter. You’ll see, it’s not a matter of likes or dislikes. It’s a matter of truth and action.
And if you want a lighter read, go visit Cooking Romania by Vivi, where preferences are also blurry: you’ll find me loving all food equally, from burnt chicken to delicate panna cotta. Here’s one of my comfort recipes: Romanian polenta (mămăligă).
Is There a Diagnosis for This?
Could this be anhedonia? Possibly, but I’m not emotionally blunted.
Could this be autonomy? Maybe, but I still feel – I just don’t rank what I feel.
In fact, I believe my non-preference is a byproduct of healing. After trauma, the need to divide the world into “safe/good” and “unsafe/bad” can eventually dissolve. You stop filtering. You start experiencing. You listen more than you judge. You exist more than you perform.
You can read more about emotional processing in this piece:
So, Is It Better to Have Preferences or Not?
Honestly? I don’t know.
It’s great to be excited about a movie or to have a favorite song.
It’s also peaceful to not care which song plays next.
But I do know this: I’m happier now than when I was swinging between extremes.
I’m calmer. Less performative. More consistent. My personal reinvention is completed.
And while I may never again scream from the top of my lungs “I love this!”, I also never waste energy hating anything.
If you’re in the same boat, welcome! If you’re not, I’m glad you still have posters on your wall. Just don’t expect me to choose between Bowie and Björk.
Wanna read my most popular articles? Here we go!
Let’s connect on our personal reinvention journey:
Follow my writing life on Instagram @TheVivi or get cozy with food, mess, and meaning on Cooking Romania by Vivi; there’s also a growing YouTube channel if you’re more into soup with soul than scroll.
Vivi Ball is a Romanian-born actress, language trainer, life coach, published author, blogger, Goth and industrial music promoter and photographer with a passion for cooking and self-realization.
Vivi has been writing about the process of self-realization through mindfulness and compassion since the age of six. She helps people know themselves and live their best life. Vivi has been teaching English and Romanian to 10,000 + students since 1990, and she has been blogging about the role of cooking at the intersection of food and self-mastery using simple recipes and copyright food photos.
Vivi and her daughter, Adara created Cooking Romania by Vivi, a blog of easy recipes for busy people, with a Romanian twist. This blog is a tribute to her paternal grandmother, Victoria Paladi.
In addition to her culinary endeavors, Vivi explores themes of mindfulness, self-love, and personal growth through her self-realization project, The Vivi. This platform offers insights into her spiritual journey and aims to inspire others to pursue inner peace and a fulfilling life.
Vivi’s diverse interests and experiences reflect her commitment to quality entertainment, teaching, self development, storytelling, cooking and photography, all while honoring her cultural heritage and family traditions.
Be First to Comment