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The Story of an Ex Who Called Me God

Real story. At least the title is.

Sighisoara cemetery, Photo by Vivi Ball

I have been comparing myself to others for so long. Most of the time I was so happy with what I found. I was content. About 8 years ago I started making money. My wife became content, too. I started helping and paying the bills for a lot of people whom I never liked, but I desperately wanted them to like me. My management position brought a sense of security and more friends who would really enjoy listening to my stories. They all gave me love. I got a mistress.

A lot of people who have no thinking of their own, or who haven’t found a purpose in life, don’t try to become a better version of themselves. My ego has been running my life for so long. I would wake up every morning and tell myself I was so great, that my job was so amazing, that my wife would love me no matter what. I kept telling myself that I was the lion who could never be defeated.

I met this woman about a year ago. She looked me straight in the eye and told me: you live a lie. Funny enough, I had told her nothing about my life, self-talk, and beliefs. She just saw through me and told me the cold, painful truth: I was lying to myself.

Today, I would compare myself to a tulip: at night, it keeps to itself, at daytime, it is all open and receptive. And that is the time when it loses its petals.

The more I look inside and I compete only with myself, I love myself and I find my inner peace, the more I see the meaning of Life.

And lose my petals, of course.

Thank you.
The Vivi

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Vivi has been writing about the process of self-realization since the age of six. She has dedicated her last years to helping people know themselves and live their best life. She has been teaching since 1990. She also posts/blogs about the role of cooking at the intersection of food and self-mastery.

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