About the stories we tell everyone (including ourselves), about self-knowledge, choosing interlocutors and setting boundaries.
It’s great to listen to people who have incredible stories. Since our early childhood, we thrive imagining we are heroes and princesses. The whole human existence is possible thanks to the stories we repeat to ourselves, we believe in and we make up to survive.
However, the stories are just stories. Religions and politics are stories. Your family, friends and teachers tell you tales that, most probably, helped shape who you are and what you think.
It is time you stopped living according to those narratives.
The family trauma may be a real thing, but who you are is not what your grandfather did when he was 22. Please, meditate and wake up. You are the only one who knows who you are, so better rely on yourself than anyone else.
1. Know yourself
I have written about my self-realization journey. I am sharing my experience as I have gained a better understanding of myself and the world around me, hence have become more balanced and self-loving. I love more, live more and enjoy more of everything that happens, either good or bad. I take better care of myself and I spend most of my waking moments being mindful and present. Seven years ago, I went online, and out of nowhere typed in the words: “unconditional love.” At the time I was experiencing a very traumatic relationship that was a trigger to a radical change in my everyday life. Focusing on my wellbeing and prioritizing myself has developed into “my religion” since then.
2. Choose with whom you communicate
Once you know yourself and understand what is and what is not worth sharing, you consciously select the moment of sharing and the recipients of your message, having one sole purpose in mind:
helping people learn and grow.
Control your stories, your narrative, and you will soon realize two things:
*It’s better to keep silent than talk.
*Not everyone is interested (and they shouldn’t be!) in what you want to share.
Be sensible in sharing, and the Universe will shoot better stories at you. Share the good, the pleasant, give plenty of success accounts and stop blurting out negativity. Stop encouraging fear and panic. Put your own fears to rest, and the world will become better.
3. Set boundaries
Listening to stories that do not pique your interest is an effort you must not make. Becoming the informal therapist of friends and recent acquaintances alike is not healthy.
Be aware, once you are more open and mindful, listen intently, never interrupt your interlocutor, you start attracting troubled individuals who need a shoulder to cry on. They sense the good energies and want a piece for themselves. Empaths attract narcissists, but vice versa is also true. Just be mindful and the attraction patterns occurring.
Your primary responsibility is to love yourself. And life is so short. It is beneficial to both parties to cut short conversations that make you feel like a recipient filled to the brim with someone else’s irresponsible tribulations. Both parties are uncomfortable when vibes exchanged are not similar. Not better or worse, just different.
4. Actions to take to set healthy boundaries:
A. First, let people know you cannot save them unless they intend to save themselves. By just listening to individuals vent, you accumulate energy that may cause you unrest and help them unload an energy burden while not solving their issues.
B. Second, inform “professional complainers” that you refuse to be their therapist as it makes you feel used. Admitting you are vulnerable will make the other person realize they should censor the energy they release. Telling people you don’t agree to listen to their stories is a giant leap towards your inner peace.
My wake-up call
Two people pointed out that I was not a gracious presence.
In 2012, an ex told me: when you are having fun, some of us aren’t (referring to me being the party animal I used to be.) I wrote about this here.
A much younger girl than me cut me off in the middle of my blubbering about my difficult childhood saying: “we are here to learn, not to listen to each other’s sad stories.” We were both attending a self-development program.
The shock! The pain! The reflection and then the action.
Since 2013, I have been watching my reactions to external stimuli, my words, my thoughts, everything I release into this world. I cannot say I have reached my full potential, but I am growing and helping others grow.
Conclusions about a healthy communication centered on your wellbeing:
- Enjoy a good story, provided it helps you grow
- Listen to your intuition, work on yourself and quit living someone else’s life
- Choose with whom you share your energy
- Set boundaries just because you love yourself
- Take action. Be gentle and wise.
- Remember your wake-up calls, thank the people who pointed out your shortcomings and start rebuilding the world, one thought, one word and one action at a time.
Please leave your thoughts in the comment section. Let’s connect!
Vivi has been writing about the process of self-realization since the age of six. She has dedicated her last years to helping people know themselves and live their best life. Vivi has been teaching for the last 30 years. She also posts/blogs about the role of cooking at the intersection of food and self-mastery.